What is a resolution really? Basically it is a decision to change something. The goal is to solve a problem or issue that needs to be changed. Yet, why is it then, that there is a long list of resolutions that get broken every year? It is because the desire to change is not strong enough or is that one does not have the confidence to reach their goal? I really don’t know, other than we tend to give ourselves easy excuses when we fall off track, then find more excuses to stay on the easy track of contentment of what we already know versus the possibilities of the unknown.
I stopped making New Years’ resolutions a long time ago. I don’t buy into them because I never had anyone keeping me accountable but also, they are so easy to let slide by without anyone even noticing that you never even achieved your goal.
Over six years ago I was overweight by 50 pounds. Although my doctors knew, at that time they were not telling patients they needed to lose weight. Okay, maybe they still don’t. But, when I did ask about my weight I was told that I was fine. Was I fine because my blood work shared that I was fine, or was it because they have found over time that most patients really don’t listen and ignore the plight for them to be healthy?
For many years I was a healthy 135 pounds before children. With each pregnancy I had gained 50 pounds, but lost it all, except for when I had our last child. I was tired, I was depressed from being tired, I was over worked while making bad food choices, and no longer had the time or resources to get to the gym. Instead of losing the weight, I was putting more on, yet in my “mind” I was still thin, thinking I could squeeze by places that I really had to maneuver my way around. When I was about 200 pounds I really took a look at myself and saw what others saw in the mirror. I discovered that I didn’t like buying new clothes, wore lose fitting garments thinking they would hide what I was ashamed of facing: the truth of who I was, a person out of control.
Soon after this, I needed to have some surgery in which I asked the surgeon, jokingly if he could remove the excess fat while he had me open. What he said to me changed my thought process drastically. In a very kind manner, although very direct, he said: “That’s not the type of surgery that I do. If you want to lose weight, you have to decide you want to lose it.” I was not offended by what he said, although I was taken aback by his forward reply. For the first time, someone admitted to me, that I had a weight issue.
You see, we can always decide to be blinded by the truth of what needs to change when no one is willing to be honest with us. But more importantly change can’t take place when we are not honest with ourselves. As a result of his painful response, after my surgery, I took the necessary steps to be physically healthy again. I stopped all carbonated beverages, counted my calories and ate extremely healthy meals, and rewarded myself with one Hershey kiss at the end of each day if I had exercised and kept my calorie count down to where it needed to be. Jell-O became one of my favorite sweet treats with very few calories. Exercise after surgery had to be slow, but every day that I was feeling better, I would do a little more of the allowable exercises. Once I was given permission that I could add more to my routine, the weight loss progressed steadily. Within five months I had lost 50 pounds. I wasn’t at my high school weight, but I was feeling healthy, sexy and alive for the first time in a very long time.
I was asked by many people how I did it because some were looking for an easy plan. Other’s thought it was a result of my surgery, when in fact; many tend to gain weight after. The type of surgery is irrelevant as it was the determination to change, as well as acknowledging the truth about myself that allowed me to stay focused on reaching my goal.
His comment has stuck with me for over six years now. Now, if there is something that I have a heart to change, I take a deeper look at myself to determine why the change needs to take place, will it make me a better person, and how will it affect others. Maybe some of it doesn’t matter, but for me it does.
What is my New Year’s resolution this year? I really don’t have one. I’ve been working on changes in all aspects of my life since 2006. I’ve made some positive as well as negative choices and I’ve experienced some interesting challenges. I finally took some time this year to reflect, re-evaluate, and adjust. What I hadn’t noticed was that through the obstacles of life that had occurred and wore me out, I had lost something very precious, my joy.
So, as I leave 2012 behind me, I am entering 2013 with optimism and excitement. One of my goals will be to publish my first book, where I am also keeping notes and planning the three series to follow. Every day is a new beginning, where I make a choice to find something good in my day and in the people I meet which is why I started writing this blog. If I have a day that I might not do so well, I allow myself to humbly fail that day, cry if I need to, laugh if I’m able, but I will pick up the pieces for the days to follow and begin again. Writing my daily journal, here on my blog, will allow me to be accountable to myself and to my readers.
Looking forward to what lays before me with faith, hope and joy, along with an optimism that positive changes are going to happen for me, my family and many others. May you each have a very successful and joyous 2013.